Living Dead...

Well, today was the day...

Mitch left for Iraq this morning in a hurried rush. We spent most of the night laying awake in bed, and at 4am when the alarm went off, he kept hitting the snooze button. I don't know if it was just his sub conscience, not wanting to leave, or just the lack of sleep. Needless to say, he arrived at his company late, with no time for a good "see you later". As I watched him walk into the building, I could actually feel my heart breaking a little. Maddox and I sat in the car for about a half hour, I just stared at the doors... I guess hoping to see him again. But that was it, he was gone. Right now, I am in a dazed state of mind. Lack of sleep and not wanting it to be true has left me feeling like a zombie. I'm told this is normal, one day... not too far from now... It will hit me like a semi truck and I'll breakdown, but I'll pick up the pieces and hold them in a safe place until he comes home to Maddox and I.

I would say the hardest part so far today, being around Maddox. He has no idea what is going on, and he reminds me so much of Mitch... Maddox standing up looking at the pictures and saying "DaDa"... I swear he won't forget that amazing man, and when Mitch comes home Maddox will stretch out his arms and say "Daddy". Sorry, to be so depressing... typing helps, it puts things into perspective.

On a lighter note, we spent the best night together as a family last night. Maddox got some extra loving... he even discovered his "bird" in the bathtub, which was the cutest thing ever! Mitch and I sat out on the patio and talked.... talked for hours... He called a few people to say goodbye and then we just sat there, really no need for words at that point. I love that man with all I have to give, and I can't wait for the day when he will be in our arms again!

A little bit more...

New Pictures!

Angry Mom!

Mitch and I had to attend a "pre-deployment" briefing today at 9am. They offered free child care since it was about a 2 hour briefing. Needless to say I was very worried about leaving Maddox with people I have never met and don't know the slightest with about! Mitch reassured me that everything would be fine and they were all certified caregivers.

After the briefing, we went back to the day care room to pick Maddox up... and there was a note on the door that read "Parents, we are outside". So, we go the the playground, no Maddox, we look out front, no Maddox, we looked around the building for about 10 minutes until we finally found all the kids outside playing on the hot tennis court (temp. today is in the mid 80's) some with NO shoes or socks on! My blood is starting to boil. We head back to the day care room to get his diaper bag and other items. We found his bag, and we found his bottle sitting by a sink, completely FULL!!! (it was now past 11:30) We specifically told the ladies to feed him at 10am! Now I am super pissed!!! And to add the icing on the cake, Maddox was NOT changed at all for the entire time he was there! Now, needless to say I am livid, about ready to punch someone in the head! I ask the lady, that took down our information when we first dropped him off, who I could complain to. She gave us the number to the lady who was in charge of CYS (children youth services). Although she was not there that day, she was the lady who was in charge and thankfully we got a hold her her right away. She apologized and told us she would get on top of the issue right away.

Maddox is home now, safe, and with a full belly... but I am still mad, hands shaking, head pounding, blood boiling mad!!! The lady in charge also said that we should have gotten a paper when we picked him up stating when he was changed, fed, etc. And of course, we never received that paper! She is supposed to be calling us back either today or Tuesday (due to the holiday weekend) to tell us how things were handled and what went so horribly wrong.

Letting other people babysit Maddox has always been a tough issue with me, and this just verified all my fears!

Long time Gone...

Wow, where has the time gone? It seems like one day just runs into the next, with Mitch's deployment approaching we have been pretty busy trying to get things in order. We still have yet to find out an exact date of when he is leaving, but we are planning for the end of this month. Which in all reality is only about 2 weeks away. I'm not sure if it has hit me yet that he will be gone for 12+ months, I've heard that this is also normal, and it won't really sink in until the day after.

Mitch has been spending lots of time with Maddox, trying to get in all the loving he can before he leaves. Obviously nothing will make up for the time we lose while he is away, but I will do everything in my power to make sure Maddox never forgets his daddy. Mitch and I haven't been fighting as often, which is a major plus, gives up more time to spend enjoying each others company.

I had a pretty "exciting" time getting used to the hospital here on post. I was there for some things which should have only taken about a 1/2 hour but was actually there for about two!! People kept sending me to the wrong place, I bet I visited about 4 different offices before I found the records office! Well, I guess the best way to learn your way around is to get lost, right? Getting around on post is a little easier, I know how to get to all the important places!

Mitch and I have made some great friends! Johnson and Heather (which I will refer to as Heather J. as not to confuse anyone with the famous Heather Barnhart) They got married on the 10th and both Mitch and I were asked to be the best man and maid/matron of honor. It was a beautiful wedding and I am so glad we got to be apart of it. Johnson and Heather J. will no doubt be lifelong friends. They are two of the nicest people we have ever met. It's funny how now, that we are a part of the Army life, it's like we live in two different worlds...
My friends back home will always be important to me and will always be a part of my life but they won't and can't understand certain things I'll be going through. As much as they try, it just won't happen. But, I love them for that... I am overjoyed that I have made some "Army Wife" friends, they will be the ones who can understand not getting that phone call or letter, or how truly hard it is to be away from your spouse.
Mitch isn't going on a business trip, he won't be home in a few weeks. He is not going on vacation, he is going to Iraq. A war zone, where people die everyday. He won't be safe, maybe safer than others, but still not safe. He will miss his son's first birthday, and Christmas and his own birthday... but this is what it takes. Him losing all this is what it takes for us to be free, free to do as we please, to speak our minds, even to bad mouth the troops and the war. "It doesn't take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to go into battle." That's what Mitch is, a hero... along with every other member of the military.

"A soldier does not fight because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him"

Please, keep Mitch and all the other soldiers in your hearts and prayers.

P.S.
While Mitch is deployed, no one is to show up unannounced, or ring the door bell. That sound strikes fear into every military spouses heart.

Not enough hours in a day!

I promise I will update soon, life has been a little hectic lately!

Our friends got married on the 10th, Mitch was the Best Man and I was the Maid (matron) of Honor! We had a blast, and they are some of the nicest people we have ever met!

I appreciate you all...

Since 1984 it proclaimed the Friday before Mother's Day of each year to be Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

Today is our day. A day to recognize and appreciate that we serve too, we may not wear the rank, uniform, carry a weapon, or go along on deployments, field trainings, etc. But we are the ones at the root of it all, supporting and loving our military men. We somehow keep it all together when all we want to do is fall apart. We play mother and father to our children at times, endure countless nights of crying ourselves to sleep and awakening to roll over to his side of the bed to realize it was only a dream and his side is empty. We have eaten many meals alone, waited in numerous never ending lines at the post office just to mail off a simple care package to give our loved one a little taste of home. We have had to watch our men walk away from us for months, and years at a time, not knowing if we will ever see them again. We have all had our hearts jump into our throats every time the door bell rang, in fear of men in green suits and a chaplain possibly on the other side. We have all lived for phone calls and emails, because it meant they are ok and it helped to calm our fears for a few moments. We have all tripped over our husbands boots in the middle of the night and while we may want to throw them at them for leaving them in the middle of the floor again, we simply push them aside and thank god that the boots are on the floor to be tripped over, because it simply means he is home and we never know when those boots will leave again. And while many people may ask "how do you do it" we can not give an answer, other than "we just do" it is our way of life, and we adapt, we have no choice. We don't expect our family and non military friends to understand, and god bless them all for trying to, we love them for it, we are thankful for their love and support. We also know they can not fully understand unless they live this crazy life we do. Being a military spouse brings so many feelings and emotions. Things are constantly changing in our lives from day to day. I am proud to be a military spouse, I am honored to stand along side a true American hero. So today I honor all military spouses, I am thankful to each and every one of you for doing what you do, not only today, but every day, and I thank you for being a part of our military family!

Garden of Hell

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. A lot has gone on since then.

I went home over this past weekend to visit with family and friends. Weird how in just a month everything and ever one can change. Now, I'm not talking huge changes, just little ones... but big enough to make me feel like an outsider already. I decided to cut my visit short and I came home a day earlier than I had originally planned. A bonus from my trip is I got to fly in a plane, first time since I was 1 year old so it was kinda a big deal to me. Flying at night was beautiful! All the lights from the cities, took your breath away.

Our friends had been staying with us the last few days. They bought a house and didn't have closing yet so instead of making them stay in a hotel we offered our futon. Sure it's not the most comfortable thing but it gets the job done. It was nice having them here, they are two of the nicest people I have ever met, and I think we'll be life long friends. Now, it almost seems empty not having them here...

We all went out to eat on Tuesday night. We thought a nice dinner at Olive Garden would be a fun idea, boy were we wrong!! First it took us 35 minutes to get our food, then none of the noodles were completely cooked (you could still see the uncooked part) Mitch's veggies were cold, it was horrible! We were pissed, for lack of a better word! We finally got a manager over to the table and after a "not so funny" joke she decided to take care of our entire bill. That was the only good part of the dinner! So, we left Olive Garden with empty stomaches but full wallets... it was just a waste of time. I've renamed it "The Garden of Hell"! Seriously, Mitch and I have the worst luck in going to "new" restaurants!

It feels like I have been in overdrive since I got home. So much stuff needs done before Mitch deploys and I don't even know where to start. Not to mention the constant bickering between us which I hear is normal right before a deployment... hey, if people are considering us normal, I'll take it! We've been trying to purchase a lot of the stuff I'll need to survive comfortably while he is away, but of course that causes more headaches and bickering than good. I think I'll have some pretty good friends down here while he is away... everything will work out.

Maddox is still in Pa visiting all the family. He'll be flying down with Amy, Brett and Zac on Saturday. They are coming down to visit and say good bye before Mitch leaves. It's going to be a busy weekend. We have our friends wedding to go to on Saturday and then with his family being here, you might just find little me rocking in a corner losing my mind!

Well, I guess that's all for today... miss you guys!

Sorry It's Been So Long...

Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a while since I made a post on here. We've been going through a lot trying to get the house finished and getting ready for Mitch's deployment.

Speaking of, he has a tentative date of May 29th, but that could be pushed back due to training delays. We found out it is a 15 month deployment. (BOOOO)

I've been trying to stay strong for the family and also for myself, but I do have my days. Meeting friends is probably one of the tougher things for me. I'm sure as time passes and when the FRG finally calls me things will get better!

Maddox had his 9 month check-up yesterday and is doing great! He's eating like a pig and sleeping like a lamb! He also has one more tooth, total of 2!

We finally got the web cam hooked up and running so if anyone has one, we are using windows live messenger, you can download it for free! Let me know so we can set times up to talk, Maddox really enjoys seeing everyones face and hearing them talk, now if he could only figure out how to get them out of that darn computer!!!!

That's all for tonight, promise to update more often. Let me know how many people are actually reading this by leaving me a quick comment.... keeps me motivated!

Love you Guys!!!!